To: Mr. President George W. Bush, Our Fearless Leader
cc: Dick Cheney, Our Actual Leader of the Free World
Dear Our Beloved President,
Congratulations. You taught me something. Until your
warmongering regime came into power, I had never heard of waterboarding.
The
first time I heard the word 'waterboarding', I thought it was some kind
of extreme sport. After learning through our 'non-biased' traditional
media that waterboarding is a form of torture, I realized I was
intuitively right. Waterboarding is an extreme sport action in the
torture industry.
I am proud to be more educated on the
subject of torture. I read an article in The New York Times, 'Bush
Uses Veto on C.I.A. Tactics to Affirm Legacy,' by Steven Lee Myers,
March 9, 2008. Now, I realize why the terrorist are given a carte blanche to torture people - our government does the same.
Mr.
President, we, the American people understand your panic in regard to
saving your legacy. You must take drastic steps, because nobody wants
to leave a place worse off than before they came. Your approval rating
is 30%. President Sarkozy of France is at 37% and sinking like a ship.
Sarkozy may soon take the heat off you by getting a lower approval
rating than yours. So there's no need to panic.
When I first read the NY article I was confused. Then I realized you had basically agreed to continue to waterboarding torture despite people in your administration, and the military, agreeing waterboarding is not a necessary form of torture.
Maybe you just got the entire thing
confused with wakeboarding, the extreme action sport. I'm a simple guy,
but my intuition tells me that vetoing a bill that stops extreme
torture techniques is not a good way to build goodwill in the world. It
won't improve your legacy.
Just in case you were confused, here are the definitions of both words. I included pictures in case you don't have time to read due to your extremely busy schedule these days (like going to Africa to do a little dance).
WAKEBOARDING:
A
water sport where the participant rides a wakeboard across the water as
he is pulled behind a boat or by cable skiing. It combines water
skiing, snow boarding, and surfing techniques but NOT WATERBOARDING.
WATERBOARDING:
An
interrogation practice used since the time of the Spanish Inquisition.
Waterboarding creates the
sensation of drowning. The subject is strapped onto
an inclined board, head immobilized and positioned lower than his
feet. A cloth is held over the
subject's face and water is poured over it repeatedly, triggering a gag
reflex and choking. Sometimes a subject's head is submerged in water or
his mouth is forced open and water is poured down his throat.
Hope this helps, Mr. President. Good luck with restoring your legacy.
Sincerely,
Huck Finn
Chairman, The Amerikan Party.
What would Putin do? Would he approve of the waterboarding torture technique? Has Putin ever done wakeboarding? Does Putin know the difference between the two?
Huck Finn, Chairman, The Amerikan Party
"Smart-Ass Politics for Smart People.” TM
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