HUCK FINN COMMENTS: I'll be careful what I say here because I don't want Mr. Chuck Norris finding me and kicking my ass too. I love watching Chuck Norris films, but it was weird seeing him getting into politics when he was supporting Mike Huckabee.
Chuck Norris, the politician.
I can see him sparring on the political stage as if anyone cares what he has to say. When Huckabee was still in the running, Chuck sparred with John McCain. If Vlad Putin was running for
U.S. president, I doubt Chuck would dare to fight him.
Vlad has a black belt in judo.
In my previous article, PutinToon 31: Hillary, Obama Love Fest,
I wrote about my dream of Don King promoting a fight between Barack
Obama and Bill Clinton. The ultimate fight would be a judo match
between Putin and Norris. It would be watched by more people than the
FIFA World Cup (the soccer tournament every four years that was held in
Germany in 2006 with an estimated global audience of 2.5 billion
people) or the NFL Super Bowl. I can see the headlines:
Chuck Norris settles the differences between Bush and Putin for America.
All-American boy, Chuck Norris fights former KGB agent (now called FSB), Vladimir Putin.
The loser has to be part of a reality show with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Or maybe, they have to do an episode of "Wife Swap". The stage has been set:
Thrilla in Moskva.TM Chuck vs. Vlad.TM
The proceeds of the judo match will go to feed the poor in America and Russia, split equally. This one-week event could bring in $1 billion dollars. America's half, $500 million, could be used for pay for elderly care and to help the poor pay their energy bills. This will be needed since the current $3.1 trillion national budget lowers those benefits, while increasing the defense budget to $700 billion.
Would Chuck Norris agree to fight Putin for the American bragging rights? Would Putin do it?
This would be the biggest fight in the history of the human race. After further thought, I don't need Don King to promote it. The best, most qualified person to promote the fight is actually me, Huck Finn.
In closing, before I piss off Chuck Norris and he kicks my ass, I'll plead my case to both of them in a letter:
Dear Vlad and Chuck,
I fully acknowledge that you are 'Masters of the Universe' in your universes. Not all is good in America. We're in recession and we're is finally coming to grips with it. There are many reasons for it (Bush, Bush, Bush), but the bottom line is the high price of oil. Oil is driving the price of everything and it has put us in the bind we're in today.
Russia has oil. America needs oil. Russia has KGB, (I mean FSB), America has CIA. Russia has gaz, America needs gas.
Russia is a super power again. America is trying to stay one. But there is still too much mistrust between them. We need an event that will change the perception these two nations have of each other.
We do not need Cold War II. We can't afford it.
Presidential summits are a waste of time
and money. We need an event that will excite the people to join
together to solve the problem of high oil prices, because America
consumes 25% of global energy. We need better relations between the two
countries so we can buy more oil from Russia (hopefully at lower prices
on a long term contract) and Russia can sell to us instead of China.
I,
Huck Finn, of sound mind and body, propose to stage an event in Moskva
(Moscow) between Chuck Norris (the All-American Boy) and Vladimir Putin
(the current Tzar of Russia) for the betterment of man and womenkind.
The event is called...
THRILLA IN MOSKVA.TM
Revenues
from this event will go to the poor and elderly in both countries,
since both lack some action there. I estimate the revenues will top $1
billion dollars based on ticket sales, sponsorships, advertising,
merchandising, product placement, DVD sales, etc.
Chuckie, what
do you say? Vlad, what you say? C'mon, please consider it. It will be
fun and we all might learn something about each other. We might learn
that, although we have different cultures, we're all part of the same
human race.
If you have any questions, please contact me. Thank you so much for your consideration.
Yours Truly,
Huck Finn
What would Putin do? Would fight Chuck Norris? Would he kick Chuck's ass?
Da, that is the question?
Huck Finn, Chairman, The Amerikan Party
"Smart-Ass Politics for Smart People.” TM
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