HUCK FINN COMMENTS: I read last week that Vladimir Putin held a four hour and forty minute interview with 1,000+ journalists from all over the world to speak about his legacy.
Wow! I don't know of anyone who could hold my attention that long. And I'm not A.D.D., which is a very common excuse for people who don't want to listen or pay attention to a subject. The only thing that ever held my attention that long was a World Cup Soccer match. But that's comparing apples to oranges.
I tried to find the transcripts of the Putin's interview without success.
What could Mr. Putin have said in such a long discussion? I know that when I watched the last of the trilogy of the Lord of
the Rings and the last of the trilogy of the Matrix, by the time the movies ended, I was literally climbing the walls of theater, begging for it all to end.
This got me thinking. What could hold a person's attention for more than four hours and forty minutes. it might seem an easy answer but I'm not so sure.
Here's what I think can hold a person's attention for four hours:
1. The REAL SEX series on HBO: I don't know if I could watch this for four straight hours. It might get close, but I think I'd get tired of looking at all the flesh and take a break by ordering pizza, or actually having real, live sex myself.
2. 24: This would come close as well. I tried watching this non-stop on cable television one Saturday but abandoned the project after seeing commercials every five minutes and hearing Kiefer Sutherland whisper all the time. I always wondered why he has to whisper. I do love the show.
3. Super Sunday: Manchester United vs. Chelsea, followed by Arsenal vs.Liverpool. Yeah, I could do this. Okay, I have done it. But this only amounts to four hours total and there is no way I could go beyond the four hours because I would want to go outside and play some futebol.
4. Sopranos: Yeah, I could watch this for three to four hours, but I'd probably need some dinner and wine after three episodes, due seeing so many people get whacked.
5. George W. Bush Legacy Extravaganza: You know, I think I could do this, especially if the Rolling Stones played during intermission. From what I read in the above PutinToon, Bush's schedule is fantastic. I wish he was as good at running our country as he is planning this 6-hour legacy extravaganza. I hope I'm invited.
I mean think about it. How can any sane American refuse to sit next to George W. Bush and not watch Die Hard with him? I'd give my right pinky (looks like I watched The Sopranos too often) to sit next to George W. and watch Bruce Willis say "Yeepeekaeeyey, Mother F*%$er."Can you imagine how cool that would be? I can hear George W. rooting for John McClain by saying, "Bring them on! Bring them on!"
And that brings me to a solution I'd like to offer George W. Bush on how to form a better relationship with Mr. Putin and Russia:
Since George W. Bush's final year as president is virtually over, and Vlad Putin is going to step down March 2 from being president of Russia to become Prime Minister (second in command), George W. and Vlad could meet up one Saturday and watch the Die Hard movies all day. They could drink vodka, talk about the good old days, and bond like real men.
If you are a man and you can't bond while watching Die Hard, then you're not a real man. Die Hard transcends all cultures and all races because they have a universal theme: vulnerability combined with macho-ness.
It would be cool if Bush and Putin would invite Bruce Willis and Huck Finn to watch the movies with them. Hey, I should be invited because I thought of it. Putin is a black belt in Judo. We could all go to a gym after the movies and Putin could teach Bush some Judo moves he could use after he leaves the White House.
Die Hard is the ticket to better relations between America and Russia.
If we really want to hit a home run and strengthen our relationship with Russia, we could have Hollywood finance Die Hard in Moscow. John McClain can team up with a hot Russian blond to fight off terrorists from Chechnya. We could cast Vlad and George W. as key supporting characters in the film. Hey, that's not a bad idea. Gotta go. I'm gonna start writing the script now.
What would Putin do? Would he be willing to star with George W. in Die Hard in Moscow. I like the sound of that. Would Putin like the name of the film?
Da, that is the question.
Huck Finn, Chairman, The Amerikan Party
"Smart-Ass Politics for Smart People.” TM
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